Chapter 3

Tomorrow Monkey and Turtle start kindergarten.  I have taken vacation from my full time in-house counsel job to stay home with them since last Wednesday.  And I have gone from being weepy-ish on Wednesday to looking at the clock at noon today and wondering whether I was going to make it until 7:30 AM Monday morning without strangling a member of my family. 

It was nice at first to revisit life as a stay at home mom.  On Thursday I squeezed the kids into their BOB stroller and walked them around the neighborhood for an hour, like I did when they were infants.  I really got a lot of personal benefit from that, re-living the experience of pushing my babies all over the neighborhood and thinking about the new phase of life we were about to begin.  Then when we were almost home Turtle start bitching up a storm about how I had ruined her whole day by making her go outside and get her back all sweaty.  That reminded me how I began planning to return to work shortly after the girls began to talk . . .

Monkey has been on a real tear of negative behavior, and the last two days have been doozies.  We know she is anxious about transitions in general, and for this one she has brought out the big guns.  Hitting, tantrums, arguing over the simplest statements.  I have relied on the training we received from the family therapist we went to when Monkey was 3.5.  Which means I’m letting the girl rage against the machine as much as she wants, and giving her love and kisses and hugs at every opportunity.  This worked a miracle when Monkey was 3.5.  It has kept me sane these past few days and I think it definitely helped that we're not trying to talk her into being happy about kindergarten.  She is mostly calling it “stupid” and “hateful” and saying that she hates kindergarten and blah blah blah.  I just listen and don’t argue back.  I think she is more annoyed by what a big deal everyone is making over it and how everyone is telling her how exciting it is and how she’s going to love it and so it has made her realize this is a Big Transition, and she doesn’t like those.  I have zero concern about her ability to be friendly and cooperative in the classroom.  If preschool is any guide, she’ll do fine in class, then she’ll come home and have 14 tantrums and then go back the next day the model student, and we’ll live through it just like we’ve lived through all her other difficult transitions.   

We did have one fabulous experience this week, and that was going to the Rockin' River water park in Round Rock.  It is a small water park with no water deeper than 3’ 6” and so it is perfect for the girls.  We had a great time, better than when I used to take them when they were younger.  The first time we went, when we tried to leave Monkey had a total meltdown and sat down in the middle of the park screaming while everyone stared at us.   This time it was such a low stress experience - they are tall enough and swim well enough that I don't have to hang on them every moment - that we stayed until they were worn out and we all left happy.

I feel like I’ve been doing laundry and dishes nonstop for 5 days.  I know there was a time, on this very blog, when I extolled the virtues of a mop for Christmas.  But that season has passed and now I will be glad to go back to work Tuesday and let the house go back to being a semi pig sty. 

I’ve been meaning to write this Chapter 3 post for ages.  I went back to work full time last September, as an attorney.  Twin Daddy works part-time now, so he can pick up the kids, make dinner, and generally be the primary care giver.  I know in the past I have discussed my poor cooking skills, and I honestly don’t think I have made a family dinner in over a year at this point.  Twin Daddy does the meal plan and grocery shopping and cooking, and he and I are both so much happier with this arrangement.  He gets to do what he likes, I don’t have to do what I don’t like, and we both end up with a much tastier dinner.  Win-win-win. 

The girls have adjusted really well to this new arrangement at this point.  It was a little rough last fall and I had a hard time the first time I had to take a business trip away from them - I ended up taking one trip a month between January and April of this year, and I was hating it by April.  I was actually happy that my week-long business trip to Europe got cancelled this summer.  Turns out that I will likely be going in January now, so I’ll be simultaneously missing my family and nearly freezing to death.  Sarcasm aside, the travel is actually a positive as far as my career is concerned – it means people value my presence and want me to participate in certain meetings, and I do certainly appreciate that and want to foster it.  I feel sooo lucky that I was able to find a job that I enjoy, where I know I’m making positive contributions regularly, and where I have pretty good opportunities for growth, all after being at home with the kids for several years and in a sluggishly recovering economy.  So don’t take my travel complaints too seriously, it’s all pretty good.  

In fact, as our family enters Chapter 3, I am a very content wife, mother and lawyer.  I still sometimes feel like I need to pinch myself, that it can’t be possible my life has turned out this well.  On one business trip when I was having a room service breakfast - something I consider the height of luxuriousness and one of my absolutely most favorite things to do on earth - I looked at myself in the mirror and was nearly overcome with joy.  Mind you, I was alone eating breakfast with my reflection as company.  But knowing I was about to go to a meeting at a job I enjoy, and that my supportive husband was taking excellent care of my children back home so that I could be there in that moment without having to worry about them, it was just so much I was overcome with gratitude. 

It was a really good breakfast, too.

Mother's Day Eve

It's Mother's Day Eve, and I'm writing down just a few of the hundreds of happenings that go on every week.  

The other day Turtle had a full-on, kick the stepstool, primal scream meltdown because . . . . (are you ready?) . . . she hates everything in her closet and had nothing to wear.  

I took the girls to Kindergarten Round Up this past week at their new elementary school.  They are officially registered and are very excited to be starting kindergarten in August.  

Turtle can read chapter books, the newspaper, every magazine, the name of the songs flashing on Twin Daddy's computer/radio/space age car, and pretty much everything she sets eyes on.  She also loves the Cindy Crawford "Rooms to Go" commercial that comes on during Wheel of Fortune, which we watch as a family most weeknights. It's a ridiculous commercial but my braniac fashionista loves it. 

Tonight we tried to institute Family Movie Night and picked "Toy Story" as our first movie.  28 minutes in, after several objections by them that it was "scary," Buzz Lightyear fell out the window and Turtle ran out of the room crying. Monkey screamed that the movie was going to give her nightmares. Turtle refused to come out of the room until "the TV is black," which means Off.  So, that's on hold for awhile and apparently they will not be watching Star Wars until they're 28 years old.  It's back to the Strawberry Shortcake Sweet Dreams movie and Lalaloopsy.  But guess what we switched the TV to when they calmed down the hysterics over the horrific "Toy Story"*?   Their new favorite show, "Nature," on PBS.  We watched alligators from Cuba pulling mammals off low tree branches for dinner, and they thought it was great.  Nature is a fantastic show and I'm glad they like it.  But we cannot figure out why Toy Story and Finding Nemo are "nightmare inducing" while true life Nature shows and Nazi movies** are just dandy. 

And, finally, I have no tantrums to report for Monkey.  She has matured so much over the past few months, it's really amazing.  She can cook herself scrambled eggs - all I have to do is get down the eggs from the fridge and turn on the fire.  She can do the rest - spray the pan, scramble the eggs, pour them in the pan, cook them.  She has a little trouble getting them on the plate but I'm glad to look up from my coffee and help out when she gets to that point.  She likes to help do the dishes and do yardwork.  Today we went to Mayfield Preserve for a volunteer project through Little Helping Hands, and she spread mulch and pulled weeds for an hour. 

When I was in high school, I used to tell my good friend's mom that I wasn't going to have kids because I didn't want babies.  Instead, I would say, "I'm going to adopt a couple of 5-year-olds when I'm in my 40s and don't have anything else to do."  This is almost verbatim, and I know because she reminded me of it not long ago!  I have to say, that while OF COURSE I would not trade my baby time, I was on to something with the "couple of 5 year olds."  I am at a point where if I could freeze time, I would, and I know for sure that I have not felt that way once since they were born.  We're at a good age, people, and I'm enjoying it.  

Happy Mother's Day! 

--------------------------------

*which, by the way, is rated by CommonSenseMedia.org as suitable for 4 year olds.  We check CommonSenseMedia.org for everything because we know how sensitive our kids are and it is a good source for specific details in a movie that will frighten a preschooler.  Very few movies AT ALL are rated suitable for 5 year olds, and this was one of the few so we went with it.  Epic Fail. 

**The Sound of Music 

Family Fun Adventure

It was 4:45 and we were nearly home.  We'd had a late lunch and a noisy afternoon downtown at Palmer Events Center, where we'd gone to the "Camp Fair" to gather information on the myriad summer day camp choices for the kids:  dance, science, performance, art, golf, nature, language immersion, just to name a few.

After the fair we'd walked to Sandy's and stuffed ourselves with frozen custard, then walked back to the car and - finally, it seemed - headed home.

We were nearly there when Twin Daddy said, "We should go to San Antonio right now."  I raised an eyebrow.  "Really," he said.  "It's been so long since we've been there."

I thought of the wet laundry waiting in the washer, the pile of mail on my desk, my overstuffed closet I'd promised myself I'd finally clean this weekend, the tired kids in the backseat.  "Ok," I said hesitantly.

"Girls, what do you think, do you want to go to San Antonio right now and stay in a hotel?"  he yelled to the backseat.

"Yeah!!"    

"Ok," I said again, still not sure how this was going to go down.

Twin Daddy laid down the plan, and the law.  "Here's how it will work.  EVERYBODY.  When we get home I'll set the timer for 15 minutes.  Everybody has to be ready when the timer goes off, or we don't go.  If anybody cries, 'uncle' and says they just can't make it, we won't go."

The girls and Twin Daddy seemed so excited that I finally gave in.  "Ok!" I said, meaning it this time.

And so the great Family Fun Adventure began.  Twin Daddy gave us girls a one minute head start and we all sprinted into the house to get ready.  By the time the 15 minute timer sounded, all 4 of us had packed an adequate overnight bag and Twin Daddy had booked us a last minute bargain at a 4 star hotel on the Riverwalk using Priceline.com.  We were off.

On the way, Twin Daddy made us all pinky swear that we would have a good time, no fighting, no whining, no arguing.  "Fun" was the number one rule for our Family Fun Adventure, no matter what happened.

The rule held, despite some disappointing traffic, overcrowding at Casa Rio that pushed us to a less-than-stellar restaurant, a horrible margarita for Twin Daddy that I sent back on his behalf, and a very late night for the girls.  It was fun, and there was no fighting, no whining, and no arguing.

This morning, after a fairly decent night's sleep, I ordered room service so I could get a good cup of coffee and the girls could stay happy.  After a trip to the Alamo that teetered on whiny due to complaints about thirst and hunger, we bought the commemorative $25 photo to memorialize our Family Fun Adventure, and stopped at El Mirador to stuff ourselves happy with Mexican food one last time.  The drive home was peaceful and quick, thanks to the "Nancy Clancy" audiobook on Twin Daddy's phone.

Family Fun Adventure #1: a rousing success.

Things that Happened Today

Things I heard Turtle say before noon:
"I'm not going to church with you, you bad woman!"
"Daddy, when can we start painting our nails?"
"Mommy, when can I dye my hair?"
"I want to go to a private school!"

-------------------------------

Twin Daddy asked the girls if they wanted to help him hang Christmas lights outside.  They both said, "Yes" and immediately began talking about changing into new outfits to help.  Monkey put on her current daily staple - an red satiny Annie dress costume, complete with wig and shiny black patent leather mary janes.  Turtle put an orange NASA astronaut jumper, with brown boots.  They are walking around like that in the front yard now, checking for burned out lights.

----------------------------------

A woman at church complimented me on how well-behaved the girls were during the service.  "Really?"  I said.

----------------------------------

I found out our 7-year-old neighbor got an iPad. Granted, it is a combined birthday and Hanukkah gift from parents and grandparents.  But still.  I may ask her mom to hide it from my kids when they are over so they don't get any ideas.  You've heard the things Turtle says.  

Turtle can read!

Despite my long months of neglecting this blog, I think of it often.  Tonight I had to post because I can officially say that Turtle knows how to read.  She and Monkey just turned 5 yesterday and I will admit that I expected them to be reading months ago.  They have been able to sound out words beautifully for awhile but the smooth reading wasn't there.  Turns out we didn't have the right books!  We bought the girls Series 2 of the "Bob" books for their birthday http://www.bobbooks.com/bob_books_set_2.php and Turtle opened them up today and read three books in a row, out loud, smoothly and with almost no assistance.  Turtle also draws better than I do, but that's another topic.

Monkey is not quite there on reading and I expect it will take her a couple more months.  She can focus on following directions for building Legos for a lot longer than Turtle, so I know she has different strengths.  But still.  Despite my mostly successful attempts to keep my Type A personality under wraps when it comes to mothering, I know I'm about to go Tiger Mom all over both of them on reading now that the first big threshold has been crossed. I've already read several "Ramona" chapter books out loud to them, and we are now reading both "The Borrowers" and "Charlotte's Web."  If they aren't both reading at a second grade level by the time they start kindergarten next year, I will consider myself a total failure.  (and I'm only kind of kidding).

The Laundry Fairy

Yesterday evening I had two big piles of unfolded laundry on our dining room table, one in the dryer, and one in the washer.  I sighed and said, "I wish the laundry fairy would come and fold all these clothes for me."  Then I sat down on the couch and put my feet up, planning to resume the laundry after I rested a bit.

A few minutes later Monkey walked into the living room wearing her big pink wings and smiling.  "What are you playing honey?"  I asked.  She said, "I'm the laundry fairy and I'm here to help you!" That was so cute I forced myself off the couch and back to the laundry.  Monkey is a pretty excellent helper in general, and she really was a little laundry fairy last night.  She kept getting distracted by her arguments with the "invisible baby tooth fairy" who kept trying to get her to leave and go collect teeth in the neighborhood, but she sternly told the invisible baby tooth fairy, "No, I can't go right now" repeatedly, and stuck to her job.

Now that the laundry has been washed and put away, I'm hoping Turtle will stop complaining, as she did all last week, that "Nothing in my closet is pretty," and "my clothes are all ugly" and "I look stupid" and all the other four-year-old versions of "I have nothing to wear."  It was really aggravating and of course, worrisome, but I think the problem was that her three favorite dresses had been dirty for awhile and she couldn't stand the choices presented by the other dozen+ beautiful dresses in her closet, most of which she has picked herself.

What I'll be when I'm a grown-up

This is Monkey's list of what she'll do when she's a grown-up, she just gave it to me in a sing-songy voice:

"I'm going to go to space, and build things, and fix things.  And do ballet.  And art.  And be an old woman."

This came after Turtle's announcement (she was mad at me) that when she was a teenager she was going to go a whole week without talking to me.

I'm pretty sure both girls' statements are true.