Conversation

I heard the end of this conversation as we were getting the girls ready for bed tonight:

Monkey: ". . . . so boys work to earn money."

Twin Daddy: "Honey, listen. Both boys AND girls work to earn money. Mommy chose to stay home with you and take care of you. But before you were born, she had a job where she earned money. And she is looking for a job again. Mommy is very, very smart and does really, really good work at her jobs."

Monkey: "But she's not as good at cooking."

Twin Daddy: "Well . . . "

Me: "I'm very happy with honesty here. Let's not pretend."

Twin Daddy: "Maybe it's not her greatest strength."

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It's no accident that my cooking came up tonight, a night when I threw the chicken I made directly into the garbage after dinner. Twin Daddy was the only one who ate any, the girls refused to eat it and I took one bite and then served the three of us cold hot dogs directly from the package. The potatoes were undercooked and the green beans were overcooked and I complained the whole time about how awful it all was. I do this most nights because, frankly, I hate my cooking. It's not usually "throw it directly into the garbage" bad, but I have a feeling it just doesn't taste very good to me because I'm so annoyed I had to cook it.

Saturday morning the girls were asking if Twin Daddy was going to make breakfast. We were all cuddling together in our big bed, playing around, and I asked who they thought was a better cook, Daddy or Mommy. This was a set up, because I certainly know the answer and was just curious what they thought. They both yelled, "Daddy!" and I agreed, saying, "I'm not as good as Daddy at cooking." Monkey certainly recalled that point tonight! I swear, sometimes I fantasize about getting a job solely for the purpose of persuading Twin Daddy to quit his and take over all cooking duties full time. We'd all be in food heaven, and Monkey would learn first hand that girls can bring home the bacon, too.

Jokes and More

Turtle and Monkey each made up a new joke over the weekend. Both have some basis in our continuing favorite subject, The Sound of Music. Monkey's joke needs a little set up. Toward the end of the movie, the von Trapp family sings in the Salzburg Music Festival, and when they sing their famous, "So Long, Farewell" song, Leisl and Freiderick sing "Adieu, Adieu, to you and you and you." So here is Monkey's joke:

Monkey: "What would happen if Leisl had the sniffles?"

Me: "I don't know, what would happen?"

Monkey: "She would say, "Achoo, Achoo, to you and you and you!"

Turtle's is more self-explanatory.

Turtle: "What do you call a nun's underwear?"

Me: "I don't know, what do you call them?"

Turtle: "Nunderwear!"

Here are a couple of other ridiculously clever things they said today. We met with Twin Daddy for lunch this afternoon, and when we got in the car Monkey said, "If someone tried to call us while we were at lunch, they had to leave a message, because we were in a meeting with Daddy."

Then there was this morning. I put together a simple craft project for the girls - making a little "garden" out of the base of a cardboard egg carton by pushing colorful popsicle sticks through the egg holders, and then attaching springtime foam stickers (birds, ladybugs, butterflies, flowers, etc.) to each stick and around their bases. This was the first time they actually both did a craft project that I assembled, to completion, following my instructions and with the finished project being as I envisioned. That in itself was exciting. But in the middle of it Turtle said, "Making my garden is so much fun Mommy! I'm glad you had this idea." I am too.

Potty Talk

A couple of people have asked for a new post but I've been so busy doing nothing and everything that I'm just now finding a minute to write. I was inspired today when I saw our "potty tongs" in the garage and knew I had found my next subject. So hold on to your hats people, you are in for a real treat.

Awhile back - it could have been last October or it could have been January, because frankly I've lost all track of time - Turtle called out to me, "Mommy, I dropped my clippie in the potty!" Things occasional fall in the toilet around here; even Mr. Lovey has had a swim in the potty, so I just braced myself and went in. I took a look and there, directly underneath what was surely the biggest poop Turtle has ever produced, was a hair clip laying deep inside the pot. This was my cue to declare the bathroom off limits and send Turtle after Twin Daddy. If he hadn't been home I would have just locked up the bathroom and waited for him because I simply couldn't deal with it.

After he evaluated the situation and thought about it for awhile, he found some old tongs in the kitchen and proceeded to fish out the hair clip while I hid in my bedroom trying not to vomit. I assumed he threw the tongs in the garbage along with the clip, but he wisely washed them carefully and put them in the garage for "next time." And there has already been a "next time" where he had to fish out half a roll of soggy toilet paper clogging up the same toilet. The man thinks ahead, is all I'm saying. And every time I see those potty tongs, I'm proud I had the foresight to marry him.

We've had a lot of potty drama around here in the last couple of weeks, from a vomit-and-fever-producing stomach virus hitting each of the girls to a colonoscopy for Twin Daddy to remove a benign polyp. But potty humor is also very hip these days, with "poo poo" being the punch line of most of the "jokes" the girls try to tell. So tonight at bedtime Monkey kept telling me Knock Knock jokes with the Knocker being some version of "poo poo," like "Poo poo li do di." "Poo poo li do di who?" I asked. "Poo poo li do di Poo Poo!" After a few inane rounds of that, I tried to teach her, "Banana, Banana Who, Banana, Banana Who, Orange, Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?" She just stared at me blankly. The girl can sing all the words to Edelweiss but she just didn't get the joke. So I said, "Orange Poo Poo!" instead, and she shrieked with laughter.

I hope for your sake that I'll be inspired by something less vulgar next time I blog. But then it won't be nearly as interesting, will it?

Preschool: The first two weeks

Here's a news flash: waking up at 6:30 AM every day is hard! But except for having to drag myself out of bed in the dead of night, preschool is going pretty well. The girls cooperate in getting themselves ready to go every day, and complain every afternoon when I pick them up that, "it's too soon, I'm not ready, no you go away mommy and come back later."

I kind of cleared out the entire month of January thinking it would take at least that long for all of us to adjust to our new schedule, and that it would probably take Monkey another month after that to stop crying when I dropped her off or for her sleep to get back on track. But - shockingly - I think we are already used to our new routine. The other day Monkey was complaining because she didn't want to stay home on Saturday - she wanted to go to school! Now that's a girl after my own heart. I loved going to school, hated to stay home, and dreaded summer vacation.

Since preschool is all peaches and roses, I'll tell you about something slightly more interesting. During the Christmas break, Turtle and Monkey finally watched their first movie! Don't get too excited. It was at home, recorded off the television, and watched over three nights with me controlling the remote. But I'm happy to say that some portion of The Sound of Music is currently showing in our home every single day, is in the CD player in the car, and at least one movie scene is being performed nightly by the girls. Tonight, we acted out the scenes where the kids put a frog in Maria's pocket (Turtle shoved her Lovey in my waistband), and where Maria sits on a pine cone (Monkey put her Yoda doll in a chair for me to sit on). They most like to play Leisl, telling everyone who will listen that they are 16 and singing "I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne." The Sound of Music is one of my absolute favorite movies of all time, so watching it every single day and memorizing all the songs and dialog is a real treat.

I have to say, I totally love acting out the scenes with them. It reminds me of my tween years, when I basically did exactly the same thing: memorize movies and act them out. But having a couple of always-willing actresses/sidekicks to direct is even more fun. I can't wait to introduce them to my other favorite pastime of my tweens: choreographing dances to 80s music. They'll be rocking down to Electric Avenue before you know it.

Chapter 2

This morning Turtle and Monkey started their new preschool: a Montessori school about 15 minutes from our house where they will go every day, 8:30-2:30. They were very excited, and they both left their Lovies in the car with a cheerful "See you after school Lovey." In the past, Monkey has literally had to be peeled off me, screaming, every other time we've left her somewhere for the first time, and clung to her Lovey for dear life. Today she gave me a hug and kiss and waved good-bye, then went about her work. Turtle was just as quick to say good-bye. Twin Daddy and I were surprised and absolutely thrilled. We went out for a taco and then came home to tackle the piles that have been accumulating on the office desk for the last three years. I just took artwork from the daycare the girls went to for a short time in 2008 to the recycling bin.

I thought I might have more mixed feelings today, but I've been preparing for this since early October and I think I've already shed the few tears I had. I tried to make myself really pay attention to my feelings, so I wouldn't just gloss over this transition, and this is what happened:

I stopped by a stay-at-home mom friend's house today around noon to drop something off. In her front yard was a double stroller not quite unpacked from a morning walk, a soccer net in the driveway, and a few toys strewn throughout the yard. I shuddered at the thought of what she'd been up to all morning and thought, "Well, I guess I really am ready for them to be at school every day."

So right now I'm happy they are happy, and I'm ready to face the next stage in all of our lives, whatever that may hold. For me it will involve getting some sort of part-time paid employment relatively soon, and trying to sort through our house in the meantime. Of course, I reserve the absolute right to bemoan this change in a few months or a year or two years, and to do a complete 180 and say how much I miss having them at home and to long for the days when my every morning was filled with toys and strollers. But for now, we're all good.

Lotion, anyone?

This afternoon the girls were so involved with their play in the playroom that I thought I could take five minutes to get online in the office and pay some bills. Five minutes later, I realized it was eerily quiet. Then the phone rang and as I ran around looking for the phone I saw no sign of the girls in the living areas - - a sure sign they were Up To Something. I answered the phone (it was Aunt V.) and was headed towards my bathroom (the place they always go to get Up To Something) when Turtle came running out, guilty look on her face and hands covered with a thick layer of lotion. I quickly got off the phone, pulled the lotion off her hands and rubbed it into my own, and sent her on her way. Then I went into my bathroom and saw Monkey standing there, her hands even MORE thickly covered with lotion, saying, "Mommy, I want to wash my hands." I glanced at the counter to see which lotion they got into - the body lotion? The hand cream?

No. It was my tiny $36 jar of Origins Night-A-Mins. "No, no, no," I groaned as I realized that Monkey had a good $12 worth of expensive night cream on her hands, and that I had just rubbed a few more dollars worth into my own. "I want to wash my hands, Mommy," she said again. "I don't think so," I thought to myself. I pulled it off her hands and desperately slathered it all over my neck and décolletage, trying to soak in every bit and cursing myself for having the nerve to get on the computer in the first place.

Catching up

I thought I'd better post something before you decided that I've given up by blog altogether. Every day something funny, amazing, and mortifying happens and every day I think "wow I should put that in my blog," and now I'm so behind that I've gotten overwhelmed at the thought of catching up.

So, rather than even try to catch up, I'll just tell you this one funny little story from September that has stuck in my mind.

I took Turtle and Monkey to the Carter's (children's) store for fall clothes. Normally I wouldn't take them with me, but when I brought home summer clothes for Turtle earlier this year, she pretty much refused to wear anything I bought. So, I figured I should seek her input this time.

I picked out a dress from the rack and called her over, "Turtle, come here!"

She ran over. "Yes, mommy?"

"Is this something you think you'd like to wear?" I asked, holding up the dress.

Turtle looked at the dress, transformed into a 13-year-old before my eyes, looked at me like I was a moron, and said, "Not EVER!"

I put it back on the rack and moved in the other direction so she wouldn't see me burst out laughing.