Do you smell poop?

Is it still acceptable for me to pick up Turtle and sniff her rear to see if she’s pooped her diaper? Was it ever acceptable? Is it time for me to stop grabbing Monkey and putting her through all manner of contortions so I can look inside her diaper? When will I stop interrupting every conversation I have by turning to the girls and asking, “Did one of you poop?” More importantly, when will I stop smelling poop?

I’m starting to worry that our house is ruined, like Jerry’s car in “The Smelly Car” Seinfeld episode. Every time I walk in the front door I’m searching for the odor that just assaulted me. I empty every trash can in the house, I spray the diaper pail, but it’s no use. The smell just exists. And so I continue to look down the back of my girls’ pants in the most undignified manner, determined to halt new odors instantly, asking them, asking myself, asking anyone who will listen, “Do you smell poop?”