Things that Happened Today

Things I heard Turtle say before noon:
"I'm not going to church with you, you bad woman!"
"Daddy, when can we start painting our nails?"
"Mommy, when can I dye my hair?"
"I want to go to a private school!"

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Twin Daddy asked the girls if they wanted to help him hang Christmas lights outside.  They both said, "Yes" and immediately began talking about changing into new outfits to help.  Monkey put on her current daily staple - an red satiny Annie dress costume, complete with wig and shiny black patent leather mary janes.  Turtle put an orange NASA astronaut jumper, with brown boots.  They are walking around like that in the front yard now, checking for burned out lights.

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A woman at church complimented me on how well-behaved the girls were during the service.  "Really?"  I said.

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I found out our 7-year-old neighbor got an iPad. Granted, it is a combined birthday and Hanukkah gift from parents and grandparents.  But still.  I may ask her mom to hide it from my kids when they are over so they don't get any ideas.  You've heard the things Turtle says.  

Turtle can read!

Despite my long months of neglecting this blog, I think of it often.  Tonight I had to post because I can officially say that Turtle knows how to read.  She and Monkey just turned 5 yesterday and I will admit that I expected them to be reading months ago.  They have been able to sound out words beautifully for awhile but the smooth reading wasn't there.  Turns out we didn't have the right books!  We bought the girls Series 2 of the "Bob" books for their birthday http://www.bobbooks.com/bob_books_set_2.php and Turtle opened them up today and read three books in a row, out loud, smoothly and with almost no assistance.  Turtle also draws better than I do, but that's another topic.

Monkey is not quite there on reading and I expect it will take her a couple more months.  She can focus on following directions for building Legos for a lot longer than Turtle, so I know she has different strengths.  But still.  Despite my mostly successful attempts to keep my Type A personality under wraps when it comes to mothering, I know I'm about to go Tiger Mom all over both of them on reading now that the first big threshold has been crossed. I've already read several "Ramona" chapter books out loud to them, and we are now reading both "The Borrowers" and "Charlotte's Web."  If they aren't both reading at a second grade level by the time they start kindergarten next year, I will consider myself a total failure.  (and I'm only kind of kidding).

The Laundry Fairy

Yesterday evening I had two big piles of unfolded laundry on our dining room table, one in the dryer, and one in the washer.  I sighed and said, "I wish the laundry fairy would come and fold all these clothes for me."  Then I sat down on the couch and put my feet up, planning to resume the laundry after I rested a bit.

A few minutes later Monkey walked into the living room wearing her big pink wings and smiling.  "What are you playing honey?"  I asked.  She said, "I'm the laundry fairy and I'm here to help you!" That was so cute I forced myself off the couch and back to the laundry.  Monkey is a pretty excellent helper in general, and she really was a little laundry fairy last night.  She kept getting distracted by her arguments with the "invisible baby tooth fairy" who kept trying to get her to leave and go collect teeth in the neighborhood, but she sternly told the invisible baby tooth fairy, "No, I can't go right now" repeatedly, and stuck to her job.

Now that the laundry has been washed and put away, I'm hoping Turtle will stop complaining, as she did all last week, that "Nothing in my closet is pretty," and "my clothes are all ugly" and "I look stupid" and all the other four-year-old versions of "I have nothing to wear."  It was really aggravating and of course, worrisome, but I think the problem was that her three favorite dresses had been dirty for awhile and she couldn't stand the choices presented by the other dozen+ beautiful dresses in her closet, most of which she has picked herself.

What I'll be when I'm a grown-up

This is Monkey's list of what she'll do when she's a grown-up, she just gave it to me in a sing-songy voice:

"I'm going to go to space, and build things, and fix things.  And do ballet.  And art.  And be an old woman."

This came after Turtle's announcement (she was mad at me) that when she was a teenager she was going to go a whole week without talking to me.

I'm pretty sure both girls' statements are true.

Discussions

In the past week, Monkey has all of a sudden started saying, "Oh. My. Gawwd" like a 1980s teenager, and pretty much using it in the proper context.  I asked her today, "Monkey, where did you hear someone say that?"  "From you," she replied.  You know, like in those commercials about smoking pot? "I learned it from YOU."  Anyway, I thought that was the case but wanted to make sure I was right to be feeling so mortified by my vocabulary.  

This morning I was taking the girls to a bouncy house (!) playdate, and we'd been in the car about 2 minutes when Turtle popped out with, "Mommy, does God live in space?"  So after I struggled through that answer, she immediately asked, "Mommy, which one is your sweet tooth?"  I burst out laughing, but was able to give a shorter and less tortured answer to that.

 

Conversation and Pink baseball gloves

This morning on the way to school one of the girls asked, "Mommy, when will I be 4 and 3/4?"  This turned into a conversation about birthday parties.  I asked, "Where do you want to have your birthday party?"  They replied, in unison, "Pump It Up!"  I have been to approximately ten thousand birthday parties at Pump It Up and was chagrined to hear this.  They then suggested another bouncy house place where I've only been to five thousand birthday parties.  I suggested a few non-bouncy places that they seemed to think were ok, so we kind of tabled the location discussion as this conversation ensued in the back seat:

Turtle: "Sissy, want to have a Cinderella birthday party?"  [cut to Mom in front seat, closing her eyes and shuddering.]  Turtle continues: "I mean, a Princess party?"

Monkey: "Sissy, I don't want to have anything nice.  I want to have a Star Wars party."  [Mom grins.]

Turtle: "Well, how about a Wizard of Oz Party?"

Monkey: "Maybe."

Turtle: "I could have a Dorothy cake and you could have a tin man or scarecrow or whatever."

Monkey:  "I want a Yoda cake.  And a Pin the something on the something Game.  Pin the sword on Luke."

Turtle:  "Pin the light saber on Yoda!"

Monkey: "Yeah!"

We were at school at that point, so the discussion is on hold.  We always get two cakes, but I think we may have two themes this year, too . . . .

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On a side note, I'd like to report a follow up to my long ago post "No More Pink Baseball Gloves." (May 2009).   I drew a line in the sand in that post, and while I have had to give up many, many of my preconceived notions about what I would and would not do as a mother to girls, I am happy to report that this one has stuck.  Twin Daddy took the girls to get baseball gloves at Academy a couple weeks ago, but before they left, he gave them (Turtle) a talk about what color glove was acceptable (brown or black) and what was not (pink, blue, purple), no matter what was at the store or what our neighbor had.  They returned from Academy with respectable baseball gloves and happily played catch in the backyard.  Turtle may play catch in a pink dress with sparkly silver dress shoes, but at least she's got a decent glove (and a decent throwing arm to boot!).  

On Being 40

The kids are with their Mimi a few days this week.  Before they left I fantasized about all the sorting and general organizing I would do to get the house in shape and how I would exercise every day and do a food cleanse and generally be perfect.  Now that they are gone, I find myself puttering around and sleeping a lot, and I have done only about 1/10 of what I expected to do.  Which may be ok, since my to-do list had over 20 items on it, plus I'm working some during the day and having a couple of movie nights with Twin Daddy.

Nonetheless, I didn't expect that I would do so little.  It has reminded me of what life was like before the kids.  I didn't exercise every day, and I was a slob, and I never got everything on my to-do list done.  Setting a good example for the kids is what got me back into physical shape and doing triathlons.  Raising my children in a sanitary, orderly environment got me to clean up and wipe countertops now and then.   And the kids' needs forced to me keep my personal to-do list trim and manageable.  This time at home without them has helped me to see that the kids aren't keeping me from doing anything I want to do with my life.  They are just keeping me busy and loving me with their whole hearts when I would otherwise be sleeping or dawdling or berating myself for being unproductive, so that's pretty good.

So that brings me to my main subject, turning 40 a few weeks ago.  I was pretty happy to welcome my 40s decade.  I see it as a chance to start fresh, wipe away the mistakes and insecurities and anxieties of my 30s, and generally settle into my authority as a mature, wise woman.  And why do I think I'm so wise and mature?  Well, let me tell you what I've learned so far about life.

First, I've learned that I don't really know all that much. This is a very different attitude than I had when I turned 30, pre-kids.  Now I realize that not only do I not know everything, I barely even know my own stuff.  Everything I think or think I know today may change by next year.  I know that most everyone is doing the best they can to manage the harsh reality of life, and I'm a lot less judgmental about pretty much everything.  At the same time, I know I may be embarrassed next year that I said I was wise and mature today, and may get humbled by even more examples of how judgmental I still am.  That brings me to my next point:

Who cares?  My petty thoughts don't matter that much.  I don't mean this in a sad and depressing way.  I just mean, who cares if I turn out to be wrong about something?  So what if I'm a little fat?  Who cares if I forgot to send a thank you note?  Who cares if my husband/friend/family member is in the wrong and I am right?  I'm a tiny speck on a tiny speck in the universe, and every person on this tiny speck has a thousand petty grievances about their lives.  I almost get bored of being annoyed by human stuff, because it's just so lame and pointless.  We all are really going to die some day, for real, so I don't have time to waste in negative emotions.  This is also VERY different from when I was 30, when I liked to spend large amounts of time dwelling on all the wrongs that were being done to me and that had been done to me since time began.

So there you have it.  My wisdom is, I don't know anything, I'll probably embarrass myself a hundred more times but who cares, and I spend as little time as possible dwelling in negativity.  These thoughts are very freeing and give me a lot of peace as I look forward to what the next decade has in store for me.

A Clean Room

I've stumbled upon a wonderful way to get my kids to clean a room, and want to share it with you.

1. Get your kids obsessively hooked on the musical Annie.
2. Suggest the game, "Hard Knock Life," where you will be Ms. Hannigan and they "get" to be the orphans.
3. Yell out all the things you want put away: "I better see all these books on the floor stacked in those baskets and every toy put away in the playroom.  And I mean, start NOW."
5. Play the song, "Hard Knock Life" on your iPod player and stomp out of the room.
6. Enjoy a cup of coffee in the other room while your kids happily clean up.
7. Sweetly suggest that they can "play again" when the song runs out.
8. Repeat.

Sweetness

On my birthday last week, Turtle leaned in close to my face and murmured, "Happy Birthday Mommy, and all your wishes come true."

This morning she said, "I love you so much that when I see your face my heart fills with joy."

Now that is some special love.

Breakfast

The other morning at breakfast, Turtle was poking around at her boiled egg when she asked, "Mommy, WHY do we have to eat baby chicks?"

Then before bed that night, Monkey said, "I want to be a vegetarian Mommy."

I'm handling this by ignoring it and hoping it goes away.

Just now, Monkey was working on getting her breakfast and I asked her why she did something.  She said, "cause I want to.  duuuh"   Sounded exactly like a 14 year old.

Monkey

This morning Monkey was defiant as usual, and came up with this: "NO EVERYTHING!"   That seems to be her M.O., for sure.

On a more agreeable note, she told me at breakfast that when she grew up she wanted to be the most famous chef in the whole world.  That was after she cracked all the eggs for the scrambled eggs, got the scrambling process started, poured the eggs into the pan, and did the initial cooking.  She loves to cook with adults and watching Julia Child and Alton Brown cooking shows is one of her favorite things.  In the past she's also said she wants to be a ballerina and an illustrator, but she actually shows more interest in cooking than in either of those activities.

This evening at bedtime she asked me a difficult question.  "Mommy, why do we celebrate Memorial Day?"  I explained about soldiers and remembering them and etc.  Then she said, "But we don't like to fight right?  So why do we celebrate fighting?"  I was stumped.  I blamed it all on other countries who started fights and forced us to fight even though we didn't really want to, but I look forward to having a more advanced political discussion with her about this when she's a little older.  I'm sure she'll take the opposing position to my political view on foreign policy and war, but as long as she can back up her position with more than "No Everything!" I'll be ok with a little disagreement.

Vegetarians

Yesterday, Turtle announced that she didn't want to eat "real animals" anymore, and that she wanted to be a vegutaran.  Twin Daddy told her we'd have to talk with the pediatrician about it, so in the meantime she should just eat the grilled salmon on her plate.  I know there are several vegutarans in the girls' classes at school, and the pediatrician told me a couple of years ago that there are billions of vegetarian kids in the world, and one egg a day is plenty of protein for the girls.  But, frankly, if I wanted to go through the trouble of planning vegetarian meals, I'd already be one.  So hopefully, this will go away until she's about 14 and can cook her own food.

Quote of the day

From Turtle, in the back seat in the car this morning: "Mommy, who will be the last person on Earth?"

My boots were laying on the floor of my room, where I'd left them after I took them off today. Monkey was standing on them.

Me: "Monkey, please don't step on my boots."

Monkey: "Ok. Please don't make your room so messy."

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Keyen was absent from school all last week so I never got to see him, and still haven't managed it this week. Apparently, though, he has been too busy this week to play with Turtle. She was a little annoyed about it yesterday but didn't even mention him today, so I guess the relationship has cooled.

Love

More from Turtle.

"Keyen is my honey"

"Keyen likes rock and roll, and rainbows."

Me: "Tomorrow is a school day."

Turtle: "Yay, I get to see Keyen!"

I am soooo checking this boy out tomorrow.

Snippets

Turtle: "What do clouds taste like?"

Monkey: "Mashed potatoes."

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Turtle: "I'm going to marry Keyen. We're going on our honeymoon in Canada for 30 days and Alaska for 38 days. We're going to get married where Aunt D. got married, but Keyen thought a bench or a rock might be a good place. He gave me a rock on the playground with a heart on it."

Monkey: "I'm going to be your maid of honor and my husband will be your ring bearer."

Turtle, hands over her face: "Oh, brother."

Note: While Turtle has promised to marry a couple of boys in her class, Monkey betrothed herself to Vishnu last fall and has steadfastly maintained that she is going to marry him and only him. I let his mother know. I started to say, "I hope you haven't made other 'arrangements'" but caught myself in time and said "plans" instead.

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Turtle: "Mommy, when will we go to Australia?"

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Monkey: "Mommy, can we go to the bank or someplace that has to do with money?"

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Twin Momma: "...Ok, well if neither one of you wants to go to church with me, then Daddy and I will go to church together and you guys can stay home together."

Turtle: "N000000000000! The law will get you!"

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Twin Momma: "Hey Turtle, you've never worn this outfit. Why don't you try it today?

Turtle: "I don't like that! It's a nightmare!"